Senior Women Do You Have Unrequited Skin Hunger?

You will be glad to know that serious research on the importance of touch has been done. It was discovered that the amount of skin-to-skin contact you have plays a crucial role in your happiness and vitality at all ages of your life. Touching actually has a direct bearing on your ability to form close relationships, deal with stress and pain, and to fight off disease.

Did you know Americans have the lowest physical touch frequency of any country in the world? When Americans hug, we pat each other on the back three times which appears to represent three words, "I'm done now"! America is starved for meaningful touch. I grant you people have been touched inappropriately but the political pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. Vulnerable young girls desperately craving physical touch may end up with unwanted pregnancies. They may have such skin hunger that they were not able to control it, and consequently it affects their judgment, and ultimately impacts the rest of their lives.

There is a huge difference in cultures around the world regarding physical touch. In Puerto Rico a couple touches 180+ times during an average two person lunch encounter. I didn't know that was even possible! Americans on the other hand limited themselves to only touching twice within an hour. Your skin hunger may show up as depression, anxiety, irritability, moodiness, and can definitely, make you feel very isolated and lonely.

The saddest commentary you may ever hear was given recently by a psychotherapist lecturing on unrequited skin hunger in youth. It took place in a boy's home for the incorrigible during the psychotherapists training which required actual observation. During the frequent disturbances, several staff would grab an out-of-control boy, attempt to quiet him by holding him down and then forcibly throwing him into a padded cell to let him cool off. When he asked them why they took such drastic actions, the staff replied,"They don't know how to ask for a hug"! These youngsters were severely neglected and received very inadequate nurturing touch during their formative years. In their minds, they were getting the physical contact they craved by poking, hitting and pushing others. They knew that if they escalated an issue, at some point the staff would intervene, grab them and hold them down to control them. It was the closest thing to a hug they could get. And sadly at some level they felt that the padded cell represented the safety of the womb. This was the safest place they had ever known, and acted out repeatedly in order to get back there.

When your touch is returned in a healthy, mature relationship, touch can give a mutual, real and lasting impression of love...far more than words could ever accomplish. We can communicate more love in 5 seconds with touch than we can in 5 minutes with words. Touch has the real ability to deepen relationships. Babies have such skin hunger they die if they don't get it.

Senior women, if you long to hear the words, "I love you," you will be amazed to learn that touching is what will really propel your relationship into the close intimacy you long for. Words are processed only in the thinking part of your brain but touch goes directly to your emotional centers.

A real intimate hug defined: Looking deeply into the other person's eyes as you approach with your arms and palms open. Your chests will touch and the hug will take place slowly, tenderly and warmly with your whole body in an unhurried manner. Encircling the other person with both arms and including touching the sides of your head. Endearing words can add greatly to a real hug, but at times, are not necessary at all.

There is healing power in touch. It's been proven that touch increases good brain activity and can add years to your life as well as boosting your immune system. Touch says; I see you, I notice you, I have your back. It lets people know that they matter enough to us that we desire to spend intimate time with them. Do you think this is exaggerated? Unfortunately, it is not exaggerated at all.

Get over yourself! If you are not a mature woman who likes to hug and touch, you can start hugging and touching even if you weren't raised that way. You can make a decision to do it, and practice for your own benefit, as well as for the benefit of your family and friends. Mature woman, I know you can obtain the relationship of your dreams!

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What Is Your Big Give?

Do you have something that you feel like you want to do big in the lives of others? Do you have a message that someone needs to hear? What contribution to humanity do you feel like you have been called to make?

Your big give is your unique gift that can change the lives of others, and the world. Your big give is your purpose...your assignment. It is that thing that only you can do. Have you ever felt like it is time for you to give bigger? Have you ever felt like you have amazing gifts and talents that you need to tap into, so that you can feel fulfilled?

When you think about what you have been blessed to give in a big way, it just makes you smile thinking of doing it. Your big give makes you feel joyful and rewarded knowing that you are making a difference. You have such great potential, and you deserve to tap into it. You deserve to wake up every day with a smile that is connected to your big give.

And the thing about your big give is that nobody else can do it. It is unique to you. So that means that if you never get your message out in the world it will never be heard. And you have a voice that deserves to be heard. There are many things that try to silence your voice, things like feeling inferior, feeling like you may fail, feeling like nobody wants to hear what you have to say, and thinking that you don't have anything that qualifies you to be a difference maker.

You have to ignore the inner voice that is telling you that you can't do it. And embrace the inner voice that is telling you that you can do it. What would happen if you decided right now that you are going to stop focusing on what you can't do, and start focusing on what you can do. Just imagine how your life could change. Imagine how the lives of others could change.

But the unfortunate thing about it is that too many people never step out to release their big give, so he or she never knows the difference that could have been made. I totally understand the fear connected to releasing your big give. And I also know about the faith connected to releasing your big give.

If you are feeling fearful, then let your faith cancel out the fear. You should never let anything come in between you and what you are called to do. Even if you have to move forward with uncertainty just get to moving. Now what is your big give? And what can you do to give big to the lives of others? Now what is one step you can take to live big, and give bigger?

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Grounded in the Midst of Chaos

Oh, the unnerving feeling of losing control. Don't cha just hate it?

I've interviewed scores of women who've shared that "losing it" is one of their biggest fears and most daunting obstacles.

Why does not being able to control our circumstances, surroundings, or responses of others cause us to fall apart at the seams and resort to all manner of unhealthy activities?

Eating not two but three pints of Cherry Garcia comes to mind as does the pervasive, soul-sapping "un-activity," procrastination. Sometimes we choose to stick our head in the sand and hope the situation will blow over.

And sometimes lack of control over one or two circumstances will lead to a feeling of lack of control over everything. In a flash our whole world, in our mind's eye anyway, turns upside down into one big ole chaotic mess.

I asked a friend and colleague of mine, Life Coach Joann Lim, why she thought lack of control is such a bugaboo for many women and why it can lead to an overall feeling of utter chaos. Joann said CHAOS = CHANGE. We often feel like our lives are out of control and chaotic when our status quo is disrupted, that is, when change of any kind takes place.

A few short weeks ago a team of movers swarmed into our house to box up our belongings and transport them from Lovely Lynchburg, Virginia, to Beautiful Bel Air, Maryland. Sure enough, change was occurring right in front of me. I felt control-less in the midst of chaos despite the team's orderly manner and noteworthy professionalism. Breathe, Jory, breathe!

But check this out. Joann showed me that the letters for C A N are in the word CHANGE whereas the letters for C A N N O T are not!

Hmmm. True that. So how 'bout if we focus on what we CAN do when life seems to overwhelm us?

Let's start with the four chief categories that comprise life as we know it: Physical, Psychological, Emotional, and Spiritual. And let's put several options under each category that will help us stay grounded in the midst of chaos/change.

[I polled my colleagues, clients, Facebook friends, and my captive audience at a recent Women's Expo in Baltimore, Maryland to come up with the following list.]

Proven Suggestions for Staying Grounded in the Midst of Chaos

Physical

• Take a nature walk and truly appreciate your surroundings
• Eat well
• If you've downed too much ice cream, go eat something healthy to get back on track
• Drink plenty of water
• Choose to smile despite what's going on around you
• Take a bubble bath
• Drink warm tea
• Arrange fresh flowers
• Take a yoga class (or Zumba or Nia or belly dancing... whatever you enjoy)
• Reach out to your spouse for intimacy
• Breathe!!

Psychological

• Meditate or contemplate on all that's good in your life
• Think of three small things you can do that will make you feel as if you're back in control and/or making progress.
• Prioritize your "to do" list
• Focus on one task at a time
• Remember why you're doing what you're doing to help cut down on overwhelm
• If the task at hand doesn't fit into the big picture, don't do it
• If necessary, give yourself a set amount of time to fret and stew
• Set a timer -- when your time is up, move on
• Be at peace with asking for help
• Ask for help
• Take care of yourself
• Remember the oxygen mask rule -- you need to put yours onfirst
• Establish routines and stick to them
• Ask yourself: "In five years, will this really matter?"
• Celebrate your victories!!!! (a.k.a. "Do the Happy Dance!" wherever and whenever you can)

Emotional

• Talk your concerns over with friends and family
• Don't complain as this will merely reinforce your feelings of chaos and overwhelm
• Seek counsel from trusted advisers and mentors
• Maintain a positive, grateful attitude (in all things, give thanks)
• Enjoy your pets and/or whatever else brings you a sense of joy
• Ask yourself, "What will bring my heart peace right now?"
• Follow your intuition

Spiritual

• Pray about everything
• Be of service to others
• Visualize C A L M -- what does that look like for you?
• Visualize and affirm a positive result
• Read soul-nurturing books, articles, and magazines
• Refresh your soul with music or anything else that feeds your spirit
• Ask yourself, "How can I handle this situation in a way that has eternal significance?"

What I find particularly useful for me is to weigh everything against my God-given purpose, which is akin to asking the eternal significance question above.

As put forth by author and theologian Gordon T. Smith in his book Courage & Calling, we can think of purpose or calling as having three dimensions. (1) What is our general purpose or calling as children of God? (2) What is our specific purpose or calling that allows us to use our unique gifting to touch the lives of others? (3) And what are our primary tasks and responsibilities put before us right now?

As I've helped women discern their life purpose, I've discovered that many think they have to wait till a certain stage of their life is over before they can "find, follow, and fulfill" their divine calling. "When I graduate from college... when I finish grad school... when my babies go off to college... when I finish paying for grad school... when my parents don't need me anymore." We tend to think we can't live out our purpose until [fill in the blank].

We'd be waiting forever if the planets had to align just right for us to live with purpose, passion... and joy.

If you're home with young children, if you're taking care of elderly parents, if you're nurturing a husband back to health, if you're faithfully fulfilling your God-given tasks and responsibilities, then know you are in the heart of your purpose. Add meditating on that comforting thought to the suggestions above. It will serve as your soul-soothing plumb line in the midst of what appears to be pure chaos.

Even if we're in a fairly calm stage of life right now, change is waiting for us right around the corner. Let's equip ourselves with a plan and strategy now so we can be prepared for whatever may come our way.

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Millenial Women Are The Independent Woman!

Most women of my generation and thereafter have been raised to be independent, self sufficient, and autonomous; not reliant on others for their own happiness, financial stability, & overall needs and wants in life! I have always prided myself on being a strong, intelligent, independent woman. I watched my role model and mentor, my mother, raise her two children alone. From watching her and my other role model/mentors throughout my life I have always been drawn to strong, self-sufficient women. I have always viewed the skills, character, and determination that they have with the deepest admiration and attempted to replicate such qualities in myself.

If you are an Independent Woman, you can't help but be her because that is you! However, you may have noticed that many embrace this woman, while others are threatened or intimidated by her. Such independence can cause challenges in some of our most important relationships; specifically our love relationships. For a woman, we feel it is the highest compliment to tell your mate I don't need you; I WANT you. Yet most men would rather want a woman to NEED him than want him. The situation seems to set us both up for conflict and challenges our core values.

Marvelous Men, we need to find ways for you to embrace the independent woman. Wondrous Women, we must continue to show our Marvelous Men that we can be strong, autonomous, and intelligent. None of those things take away from him and we must assure him we WANT him in our lives. We want your friendship, support, encouragement, and unconditional love. Wondrous Women don't need a man to survive, but rather we want a man, especially one that can be our lover & a friend. We want a man to be by our side and proud of our strong nature, not threatened by our ability to take care of ourselves. When he learns to admire her independence he helps her thrive! Embrace her independence and let her be her; doing so is a win-win situation and a demonstration of a true union and partnership!

Will the men of the millennial and beyond be able to better appreciate the woman who wants you instead of needs you? It really is so much more of a compliment to know that you are involved with another out of desire instead of desperation. Together we should be praising the independent woman for being so capable, driven, and determined. Women and men are now capable of being the driver of their destiny and that is a fact to be proud of!

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How to Make the Most of Couture Wedding Gowns

Nothing looks quite as elegant as couture wedding gowns when they come out just right. If planned and executed carefully and perfectly, a custom made dress can look and feel like the dress of your dreams! There are several ways to make sure your couture bridal dress looks great and makes you look even better!

Here are a few of the things that help make couture wedding gowns look the best that they can be!

Styles and Fabrics That Fit the Occasion

A comfortable bride is a beautiful bride, which is why it is necessary to make sure that the fabric and styles used in couture wedding gowns suit the season, occasion and location as much as possible. Obviously, if the wedding is to be held outdoors in the summertime, it makes no sense to buy a heavy wedding dress with heavy fabrics that will be quite uncomfortable in hot weather. On the other hand, it is equally uncomfortable to be wearing cotton, gauzy, lightweight gowns in the middle of a cold snap. Be practical.

Detailing

Lace or embroidery? Seed pearls or rhinestones? How about sequins? Boning? Petticoats? Silk flowers? Hand beading? These are the details that add to the magic of the designs - but only when done right. Too little, and they're of no help, while too much is just tacky. A good designer will help you decide on just the right amount of detailing added at just the right places to flatter you most.

Undergarments

Wearing the proper underclothes go a long way in making sure that whatever couture wedding gown you might have chosen, it will look good on you! Undergarments certainly affect how a dress fits, and how smoothly it hangs on a figure. Don't skimp when investing in good undergarments.

Shoes

Having the right height, design and material for your shoes can go a long way in making the most out of your couture wedding gowns. The height of the shoe affects the hemline and how the skirt falls, and there's a right shoe height for every design. Short tea-length dresses, for instance will do best with high heels that flatter the legs, while tall brides in streamlined gowns might do well with ballet flats or jewelled sandals. When it comes to shoes, choosing the right ones will spell the difference between looking good and looking great.

Accessories

Flowers in your hair or a pearl hair band (or tiara) holding the veil in place may just be the finishing touch you need, but that truly depends on the designs. Carefully choosing the right accessories to match the different designs for couture wedding gowns is the key to the perfect look. Less is usually more.

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Honoring Friendships As Great American Women

It's a late Friday afternoon in early August when they start to arrive at the cash bar. Within a few minutes, the lounge is full of laughter and cheer as old friends reunite and newcomers are warmly welcomed.

The atmosphere is enthusiastic and expectant. No wonder.

These twenty-some women have much to look forward to. They have left their usual chores behind for a weekend of good wining, dining and camaraderie at a very hospitable conference center near Minneapolis.

Every year since 1995, this getaway has brought dozens of American women together from several different states, and even as far away as Scandinavia.

How did it all get started?

Many years ago, an executive member of a large, nationwide scholarship organization was nearing retirement age. The thought of losing contact with her network of interesting, professional women got her thinking.

"I must find way to keep in touch with this amazing group of women!"

Brainstorming this thought resulted in the idea of collecting women friends, relatives and friends-of-friends once a year for a weekend of open-hearted sharing and studying topics of interest to all. In this way her network would not only flourish, but could even expand.

She decided to call the event "The Great American Women Getaway" as it would allow American women to get away from life's usual demands and enjoy spending truly quality time together.

How is it organized?

Each year, the theme of the coming year is decided on during that Getaway. Everyone has a chance to contribute ideas. A few months later, all attendees receive a copy of the "Getaway Gazette" with a short article about each session that took place. In February, it is high time for the planning committee for the next Getaway to start finalizing ideas for the up-coming event. Everyone on the mailing list is contacted and volunteers are recruited to lead the various presentations.

The committee also researches possible women authors who might be interested in speaking about a recent book they have written. This is always a very inspirational highlight for the women.

As plans finalize, the committee sends out a description of the various sessions to encourage everyone interested to register as soon as possible. Those already on the mailing list are welcome to suggest new names of women who might be interested in the event. Everyone is always made warmly welcome.

As all preparation and planning is done by volunteers, there is only a small registration fee. Room and board at the conference center is provided at a reduced rate.

About a month or so before the start of the Getaway, final information is sent out.

Needless to say, this information boosts excitement even further.

Then, on a late Friday afternoon in early August, a gang of cheerful, enthusiastic gals of all ages gather at the conference center's cash bar and the fun begins!

What sort of topics are covered?

During the years, innumerable subjects have been explored during this weekend of fun discovery.

A complete list would require several pages, but here are a few topics from recent years:

Pioneer women on the trail West, Women and the Arts, being mothers and daughters, how the brain works, the history of the English language, reducing pollution, getting to know Annie Liebovitz, experiencing a labyrinth, sharing worldviews, making dream catchers, the art of patchwork quilting, the luxury of fragrant oils, drawing on the right side of the brain, hospice care, adoption.

An event that enriches women's lives year after year

The goal of the Great American Women Getaway is to connect interesting women with great ideas and good books. Strong and meaningful relationships are the result.

Perhaps you have been wondering about how to keep in touch with friends and family. Why not consider organizing a yearly retreat that gets everyone talking, sharing and learning together?

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Sexual Wellness As a Path to Freedom

Sexual Wellness as a path to freedom

My hope is that this phrase will make you stop and think. Hmmm...how is this possible?

How does a healthy sex life give you a feeling of freedom?

First of all, let's define what is meant by sexual wellness or healthy sex. Sexual wellness is a return to the inner wisdom and truth about BEing a sexual person. It is a place that lives inside of you where you feel safe and have the power to enjoy sex without restraint, and have full permission to express your sexuality. This does not mean that you have to hang yourself upside down and create exotic gymnastics to have a fulfilling sexual experience. It actually has nothing to do with what is happening on the outside during sex. Sexual wellness is a quality of energy that pulses at a high vibration which results in vibrant health on the inside.

For every individual, the path to find sexual wellness is unique. No two orgasms look the same. You explore your personal inner most ecstatic feelings by allowing, receiving and surrendering to pleasure. Safety is the key.

Knowing you are safe is also an inside job. You experience safety when your body is very relaxed and your mind is easeful without stress and worries. How hard is this for you? According to current data, at least 60% of women are repressed sexually so I imagine many of you find it difficult to feel safe. BTW, the 60% statistic has also been noted to be low by many sexual experts. That's a WHOA Baby!

It makes me sad to report it, as I know the value of sexual wellness for you, your relationships and the entire planet. When we free ourselves from the confinement of fear around our sexuality, the joy factor on the planet will increase substantially.

Let's take a look at our key words and their definitions, and how you can use the meaning behind them to skip down the path of sexual liberation and freedom. And please do skip it gets us out of our serious minds always helpful.:)

Allow: 1) to make a possibility, 2) to give consideration to circumstances or contingencies.

Allow yourself to consider what needs to BE present in order to feel safe and experience pleasure.

Receive: 1) to come into possession of, 2) to assimilate through the mind or senses

Receive and possess pleasure by experiencing joy through your senses. Let all your senses come alive throughout your day.

Surrender: 1) to give oneself over to something (as an influence), 2) to yield to the power

Surrender to the power of pleasure and allow it influence your life.

There are obvious issues which prevent us from experiencing deep satisfaction and fulfillment with sexuality. We, as women, are awfully good at complicating most situations. Our darn brains just don't want to turn off sometimes.

Start where you are...and cultivate a knowing that sexual wellness heals you and creates freedom in every aspect of your life.

"Health is not only to be well, but to use well every power we have." - Florence Nightingale

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