Solving the Stay-At-Home Blues

A new Gallup poll reports:

"Stay-at-Home Moms Report More Depression, Sadness, Anger...The degree of difficulty of being a stay-at-home parent is evident in a new Gallup analysis of more than 60,000 U.S. women interviewed in 2012."

Looks like the 'problem with no name' as coined by Betty Freidan is back, however, under very different conditions. Things have changed. Betty's women were near-forced to stay home due to societal pressure and unequal access to the workplace. Neither of those conditions exist anymore. There has been a complete reversal on the former with a new pressure to have a career, and such significant strides on the latter than today's women in the workforce call themselves 'post-feminists' and claim complete victory in work-force equality.

The choice is there. A corner office and corporate expense account is waiting for women. Or is it?

The reality is that, for many thousands of women, the choice is not there. Low to middle income mothers are stuck in the day-care catch-22 - the cost of childcare wiping out almost all of their salary. Being a one-income family in today's two-income world requires serious sacrifice and thus increased struggle. Gallup's poll backs this up stating:

"... low-income stay-at-home moms are struggling the most. Many in this group are likely staying home out of economic necessity rather than by choice, and they likely feel pressure from tight finances and the demands of motherhood. "

This, however, doesn't answer up why women who can afford to stay-at-home are also more depressed than their working counterparts. Is the old myth that full time mommies are miserable really true?

The answer currently is yes, but not for the reasons you might think.

Laundry, washing dishes, running carpool - none of these activities are inherently depressing however there are two new conditions that exist today that make full-time mommy hood a struggle even for the most privileged.

Firstly, its simply not cool to be a stay-at-home mom. Society expects you to have a career and your value to the world is measured on your pay check. While it is true that a full-time mommy in 2012 would bring home a salary of $112,000 annually (MarketWatch) if they were compensated for their work, this is ignored, dismissed and considered irrelevant in the eyes of peers and government policy.

Secondly, its lonely to be a stay-at-home mom. Today, only 5 million of the around 61 million mothers of working age are stay-at-home (8%). Compare that to the 1960′s when 80% of mother's stayed at home. The busy suburban life-style of the stay-at-home mom has been replaced with deserted streets, empty stores and playgrounds filled with nannies.

Same 'problem with no name' but different causes.

In 2012, society has made motherhood a lonely and undervalued profession... of course mommies are miserable - why are you surprised.

The answer lies in women recognizing that attempting to live up to and, therefore, validating the frankly ridiculous societal expectations placed up us will continue to hold women back and make us miserable, whether in our corner office or our kitchen.

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