Friday, November 9, 2012

Stop Sacrificing Everything for Your Children

So, it seems that a great many parents have this obsession with sacrificing their lives for their children and especially women. Too many parents abandon their own dreams, forsaking all of their own desires in an attempt to ensure that their children have a "better" life then they've had. But, I say that if your children want a better life, however they define better, that really, it is up to them to achieve it!

One of the biggest causes of stress and worry is the focusing on past and future. Our society has done a masterful job in convincing its adult citizens that the future generation's success or failure is dependent entirely on the sacrifices that they (the adults) make or do not make for their children. In other words, the adults of today are in a constant state of panic, stress and worry about how their children are going to fare in the future.

Your children are born with the same intelligence that you are. For millennia, children have been finding their way into adulthood, yes, some by way of "serious" trials and tribulations, but most find their way with minimal fanfare. Of course, they are entering new territory and as a result may feel apprehensive. However, it is the facing of this apprehension not the running from it that leads to real growth, real maturity.

Now, I am by no means saying to not assist your children. What I am saying is that at a certain age (often 18 in the USA), a child ought to have established or been assisted in establishing a solid foundation on which to build their future.

Eighteen is a good age, because metaphysically speaking, the number eighteen is the number nine (1+8). The number 9 is known as the number that represents perfection and totally. This does not mean that your child is a perfected being at age eighteen. However, it does mean that your child has reached a state of maturity (in mind, body and spirit) where their tools have been honed enough that they can begin building the life that they desire to live.

We retard our children's growth when we, for example, deny them the opportunity to make decisions as they are growing. And, the longer we do this the less prepared they will feel and the longer it will take for them to mature; so that, many children find themselves well into their twenties and thirties and some even longer still not ready or willing to graduate into self responsibility.

If we as parents were wise, we would have been nudging our baby birds from the tree all along the way of their growth. Doing so would have allowed them to develop strong wings.

Have you not yourself seen that children desire independence? That while they may not be totally self-reliant, they are self-willed, that they want very much to do things on their own, to walk alone, to dress themselves, to give you a piece of their mind when you invade their space or violate their intelligence? Are not these the signs of a being that can and will in time fulfill their own desires? You need give up all that you desire for them. Trust that the universe or God instilled in them the same gifts of intelligence and potential that you have been instilled in you.

It may be that you want your children to exceed you and you may consciously or unconsciously believe that all that you have done without will somehow be transferred to your children, that the universe will say, OK parent, everything that you give up (the house of your dreams, the automobile of your dreams, the relationship of your dreams, the finances of your dreams, etc), I will give to your child. But it is not so. Each of us is responsible for creating and fulfilling our own life's blueprint, you yours and your children, theirs.

And, I will tell you something else, of the utmost importance, something that you may find astounding and that something is that children are not victims of birth. So often, I hear people saying that children do not ask to come here. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have said this in other articles and it bears repeating, we are not physical beings. We are spiritual being having physical experiences. There is a spiritual or unseen realm. Everything exists in this realm before it manifest in the physical and human beings are no different. In short, this means that your children chose to leave the spirit realm, to enter into this physical realm with a full understanding of who their parents will be and how their lives will unfold.

So I said all of this to say:

You should not have to sacrifice your authentic self for your children. Just because they are alive does not mean that you are to become dead. Your life is not canceled out with their birth. And contrary to what you might believe, children do not want their parents to be sacrificial lambs. They look to you for the sign that they can be and have all that they desire. But if you sacrifice your entire life, even to them, then they will likely adopt your attitude, leading to a cycle of tragedy that leaves in its wake a heap of wasted potential.

And besides, how fantastic would it be if you and your children were fulfilling your dreams together! Now, that's a happy relationship!

Nine reasons not to sacrifice everything for your children:

1. You have needs and desires.
2. Happiness starts inward first then extends outward. You can't give externally what you do not possess internally.
3. You were born for a purpose other than to be at someone's beck and call.
4. If you do everything for your children, they'll never mature.
5. If your children don't mature, they're liable to get into serious trouble.
6. Your children are not victims of birth. They volunteered to come here.
7. Your children will one day leave you.
8. If your children are everything to you, then what will you do when they leave?
9. Your children did not ask you nor do they want you to give up on your own dreams.

Thank you for reading.



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